The Wound of Undeserving
I often receive questions about why people charge for Spiritual Work.
Sometimes this is an earnest question by someone who truly doesn’t have an answer.
Sometimes it’s posed by someone who has listened to the judgments of people who have been indoctrinated by mainstream religion and who don’t understand that tithing is paying for a religious or spiritual service.
Other times, it is a projection or energetic spear, thrust by a person who is unable to understand how much time, energy and money are behind our offerings.
I’ve definitely been attacked many times by people who just don’t get it!
For those of us who have spent years, even decades, of our lives, as well as massive amounts of effort, money, and energy on learning, it doesn’t make sense to then offer our work free of charge. We have purchased books, taken courses from masters, spent time in meditation, solitude, circle, and studying. Why would we take the results of all of our life’s efforts and give it away? It would deplete us completely.
For example: I spend about 20 hours preparing for a weekend circle and 20 hours per weekend with the circle. I hold a strong container for women to process what they need. I buy toilet paper and plates and Kleenex. I pay the water and power bills for the space. I’ve spent thousands of hours in classes in the US and abroad to learn what I know and decades synthesizing it into my own, unique offerings. All people doing this sort of work will have similar infrastructure to pay for, one way or another.
Loving what we do isn’t enough. If we’ve done the self-work necessary to offer something of value—and I DO offer something of great value—we also know that what we offer deserves remuneration. The mythology that spiritual teachers should do without in order to offer their work to the world is just that: a myth. Asceticism is great, if you are drawn to it. It’s not so great if you aren’t.
There’s a premise in Reiki about energy exchange. Master Usui treated people without charging them when he first discovered Reiki. Here is a quote,
“[Usui] decided after a few days to go to the beggar city in the slums of Kyoto to treat the beggars and help them lead a better way of life. He spent seven years in the asylum treating many illnesses. One day, however he noticed the same old faces kept coming. When he asked why they had not begun a new life, he was told that working was too troublesome, and that it was better to go on begging. Usui was deeply shaken and wept. He suddenly realised that he had forgotten something of great importance in his healing work, namely to teach the beggars gratitude. In the following days, he thought out the Reiki principles…”
Think about what it’s like being a mother, or try and imagine what it’s like if you aren’t one. Consider how drained you feel…How depleted you can be by the end of a week. Then think about doing it for people who you didn’t voluntarily give birth to, who don’t live with you, and who aren’t willing to give you anything in return. In a nutshell, that’s the why we charge.
The analogy here isn’t about comparing Priestesses or clients to children, it’s about people expecting a teacher to give them time, energy, education, space in their home or classroom, handouts, reading lists, playlists, etc and to not charge a fee. I mean, what the actual hell?
There is a very specific wound that almost everyone carries, the Wound of Undeserving. This is a big one. We might believe we don’t deserve to spend time or money on ourselves, that we don’t deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, or that we should put ourselves last and take care of everything and everyone else first. I’m here to tell you that if you haven’t already started, start now on unwinding this belief…and the more stridently you’re screaming, “I DON’T HAVE THIS,’ the more likely it is that you’re denying something deep and true.
Once you think about it, feel into it, it is simple to see why people charge for spiritual mentoring, guiding, teaching, or coaching. Most of us have the equivalent of a Masters Degree in our area of focus. You wouldn’t expect to take a college course on Shakespeare and not pay, would you?
*Note: My website’s front page has this scholarship information included for all to see: Scholarships are for participants of black, brown, and/or recent Indigenous ancestry (Native American or otherwise), for LGBTQ folks (anyone who is physically female, experiences life as a female, or identifies as female–this is a women’s process), physically handicapped people, single mothers, and for those serving historically marginalized populations.
Money is LOVE LOVE LOVE
